Kirb your enthusiasm!


"Pink isn't a color. It's a lifestyle." - Chumbalaya
"...generalship should be informing list building." - Sir Biscuit
"I buy models with my excess money" - Valkyrie whilst a waitress leans over him

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Guys, seriously, SW and Guard aren't that amazing.

Alright, I gotta get this one off my chest because I'm tired of hearing about it. Every time anyone posts about which armies are good and which aren't, at least half (if not WAY more) the people whine about how Mech Guard and Space Wolves are the best thing since sliced cheese and they completely trump all other armies and they're just "point and click" and they're totally unfair.

Guys, I've got a revelation for you: they aren't any better than the other 5E armies.

Yeah, that's right. Including the "awful, terrible" vanilla Marines that have absolutely nothing of use except TH/SS Terminators and Sternguard and Master of the Forge and Null Zone and Gate of Infinity and Relic Blades and Combat Tactics and all-biker lists and twelve-capacity Drop Pods.

Including Tyranids, who are so worthless all they get are the best objective-scorer in the game that is also countercharge and a T6 troop unit. And 50pt Cyclone Missile Launchers that fire indirectly and also have T6 and you can take three per squad without having to buy extra dorks. Oh and 2+ attacks on virtually every model in the army and dirt-cheap power weapons and all manner of other unique shit for messing with the enemy's stats.

SW and IG are good codices. They still have weaknesses. They can still be beaten. They are not head-and-shoulders above all the other books; if you fight them the right way, rather than simply smashing into them headfirst and complaining that your face hurts, you will find that they will crumble just like any other army.

So Grey Hunters are 1pt cheaper than a Tactical. So what? Ooh, so they save 20pts in their army, or maybe 30 if they invest heavily. Ld8 is a bitch, children; ask any Guard player. You might think they're safe in their boxes, but if you aren't knocking them out of those metal boxes you weren't going to win anyways. So get them out, force those tests, and laugh as an awful lot of their crazy space vikings turn out to be kind of scaredy little girls. Oh, but they can sacrifice an elite slot (and their much-vaunted) second weapon to be less of cowards. It's not like Elites units or Meltaguns are good, right? So just fail all those Pinning and Morale tests. And you know what else is awesome? Paying 250+ pts for an HQ selection. Yeah, Rune Priests, we get it, but they can't fight worth shit, so unless you want to roll to anything melee, you probably want some countercharge. Oh, and it looks like they don't get good Terminators, so they've gotta shell out for something else instead.

Oh man, but Guard. Guard have no weaknesses. I mean T3 and Ld8 and no ATSKNF- how often are those things relevant? Like, what are the chances the enemy is gonna try and damage your units? You're in these totally invulnerable boxes that- wait, what's that? They're AV10 on the sides? Ah. Right. Yeah, um, Dark Eldar and Orks can tell you that AV10 is not really all that tough. Valkyries aren't AV10, though, so you can rush those things right up on the enemy and WIN them with melta! Which the enemy certainly doesn't have, so there is NO way you just sent 250pts of models in there to die horrible, horrible deaths, nosirree. And all those tanks they can take! Millions of tanks! Whole armies of tanks! Which still might cost points, I guess! So probably not "millions" per se, but more like four or five! And, as it turns out, AV14 is not very good protection against Melta weapons, either! So perhaps squadroning up vehicles is not as impressive as it first seemed! And, of course, they get a million other toys, like Psyker Battle Squads (which certainly don't have problems because they're the only Ld9 psykers around these days) and Marbo (who never misses and kills himself or your own models) and orders (which are super-reliable because of Ld8, remember?)

Guys, guys, calm down. Okay? Okay, guys? I get you hate being shot off the board- I don't like losing, either. And I know it's really easy to look at your opponent's list and say "God your stuff is so unfair, it must take no skill at all to play such a stupid, cheesy list." Guys, don't do this, because when you do it you are basically saying "I am not enough of a human being to admit that my mistakes, my opponent's skills, or random chance were responsible for the bad things that sometimes happen to me. The only answer is a terrible conspiracy." Guys, don't do this; it makes you look like kind of a jerk and an idiot.

Okay, guys? Everything is gonna be just fine. Play well (instead of shitty) next time and act like an adult and work to try and do well and I think you'll find that things aren't really that bad. Unless you're playing Necrons or Orks or Daemons or something, it's perfectly possible to beat them, guys, so quit acting like men in tanks are the horrible end of this game and everyone is a monster.

Alright, guys?


Follow us on Facebook!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...